In Amusing Ourselves to Death, Neil Postman warned that technology does not merely change what we do—it changes how we think. For a classical Christian school committed to cultivating wisdom and virtue, that insight matters deeply. In another book, he warns, “Every technology is both a burden and a blessing; not either-or, but this-and-that.” It is one more thing we must use in moderation.
Technology is here to stay. It has been birthed, gone through an adolescence, and is aging and innovating at a pretty fast clip. In various seasons of my life I have wanted to lean more Amish and less modern…and when I think about the possible damage that unrestrained and unfettered access to technology can have on us and on our children, I begin leaning that way again.
The question is not whether we will use technology. The question is whether technology will use us: whether it will shape our loves—or whether our loves, rightly ordered under Christ, will shape our use of technology. This is no “too heavenly minded to be any earthly good” question; it is one that should be asked in the quiet of a coffee shop with pen and paper handy: in a perfect world, how would my 16-year-old use technology? How would I? For what purpose? For how much of the day? What would he NOT be doing while on technology? What about when he’s 18? 22? Steven Covey implores us to “begin with the end in mind.” Christians ALWAYS have the end in mind—we are pilgrims here and know that our eternity is secure in Christ. And yet when it comes to technology, we get the latest gadgets/apps/iPhone and use them until something better comes along, never asking, “Is this how I should be spending my time?” How is this shaping me into the image of Christ? Is this social media creating a comparison vacuum in my life in which I never measure up?” If we, as the adults in the room, do not ask these questions AND ANSWER THEM, there is NO WAY our kids will use technology responsibly. They will follow our lead…and continue to accumulate but never evaluate.
In particular, the iPhone (and similar devices) presents both opportunity and danger. Used wisely, it can serve truth, goodness, and beauty. Used carelessly, it can fragment attention, dull wonder, and erode community. Used nefariously, it can wreck a life.
Practical suggestions:
1. Delay and Model
In a culture of immediacy, delay is countercultural—and deeply Christian. And we cannot expect our children to use technology wisely if in all our free time our faces are in screens!
Consider:
Formation precedes freedom. A child who has not yet learned self-governance should not be handed a device designed to bypass it. And yet we WANT to help them navigate this world of technology wisely while they are under our roof. As they assume more and more responsibility and show a wise use of technology, more privileges can be granted.
2. Establish Clear Household Rules
Technology should never operate without boundaries.
Device-Free Zones
Phones charge in a central location overnight—never in bedrooms. All phones. All devices.
Device-Free Times
These rhythms train the heart toward presence rather than distraction. And you could brainstorm as a family what fits the rhythms of your particular lives.
3. Protect Attention as a Sacred Trust
Attention is a moral issue. Scripture calls us to fix our minds on what is true and lovely (Philippians 4:8).
Practical suggestions: (turn your smart phone into a less-attractive dumb phone—click HERE for more suggestions!)
We must believe and then TEACH our children that constant scrolling trains impatience and weakens contemplation; it strengthens immediate gratification and stokes dissatisfaction in us.
4. Teach and Model Technology as a Tool, Not a Toy
In a classical Christian framework, tools serve higher goods.
Encourage students to use their iPhone for:
Discourage:
A helpful question: Did this use of my phone make me more grateful, thoughtful, or loving?
Our children pick up on our constant phone checking, accessibility (phone on table when out to eat), and general “attachment” to our phones. If adults cannot put our phones down, children will not learn to. More is caught than taught.
5. Build a Culture of Embodied Presence (at home, church, school, in the car, etc.)
Encourage:
The iPhone must never replace embodied community.
6. Use Parental Controls Thoughtfully
Practical safeguards matter:
But remember filters are not formation. They are guardrails: they do not have the ability to transform hearts. Also, you are tasked with formation: we steward the children God has given us. To that end, we are to protect them, love them, teach them, pray for them…and keep the conversation going with them about WHY parental controls are important!
7. Teach Wisdom, Not Just Rules
Ultimately, our goal is not technological minimalism but Christian maturity.
We, and they, must learn to ask:
Technology has the ability to magnify what is already in the heart.
Ultimately, we have to remember that technology (especially the iPhone) is not neutral—but neither is it sovereign. Christ is.
When technology is subordinated to worship, wisdom, and embodied community, it can be a helpful tool. When it becomes constant, private, and unexamined, it quietly disciples our children in distraction.
Let us be intentional.
Let us be countercultural.
Let us pay attention to OUR attention, what commands it? What grabs it? What kind of people is that attention forming us into: devoted Christ followers or merely "nice" people?
