At CCS, we believe that education is not primarily about information, but transformation. We aim (with God’s help) to form children’s minds and souls. The English poet, William Blake, said “You become what you behold.” If this statement is true, then in a digital age, this means we must be especially attentive to how technology shapes our students' loves, habits, and imaginations. But it begins with us as parents: being diligent about our own affections and what we give our time to.
This is a hard conversation to have because we use and sometimes love our phones (our technology) too much, so this blog (as I'm writing) is hitting close to home! We are all being formed every day by what we give our time, money, and especially our attention to. A quick visit to our phones’ Screen Time page will likely reveal that many hours of our day (often more than I’d like to admit) are devoted to that glowing rectangle. Of course, some of that time is spent on work emails or grocery orders, but how much of our time is spent scrolling, shopping, or watching You Tube? Let’s be honest, who of us hasn’t started scrolling our social media feed for what we aimed to be just a few minutes and have looked up 30 minutes later to find ourselves still going? Technology provides entertainment and novelty with the swipe of a finger, and if we are mesmerized by our phones, our kids will be as well. You can be assured that however and to what degree you tend to your phone (or other technology), your children will do it 10x more as they become teenagers. More is caught than taught.
So, the first admonition I have for all of us is to break up with our phones like a Junior High girl! Keep it on the charger at home in a public space. Put it on vibrate, silence notifications, and act like it doesn't matter, like you could take it or leave it. And the more you leave it, the easier it will be. Just try it for a whole Saturday...if it is more like an appendage, you will feel the pain of leaving it. A practice I have implemented is putting my phone to bed at 8PM most nights on a charger in our sitting room. In our house I regularly say “People over technology!” and they see that I BELIEVE that as I make it a point to keep my phone away at the dinner table or as we hang out together in our sitting room. Once we "care less" about our phones, we can put technology in its proper place: as a help, as a point of connection.
Having clear and consistent boundaries around technology helps us work our "self-control" muscle as well. As we practice restraint, obedience, and moderation, it gets stronger. We must talk about WHY limits exist with our kids as well. (As an aside, I have heard and said myself, "But I read on my phone at night. Kids can't have devices in their rooms, but I can because I'm an adult and can use it responsibly.") We don’t want to embody the adage, "Do as I say and not as I do." That is so destructive for kids. Our hearts usually want to run the path of least resistance and take the easy way. Practicing virtues like self-control, prudence, and moderation is hard for adults and kids alike. Self-control is not restriction for restriction's sake: it is freedom rightly ordered.
We were having a conversation on the playground on Wednesday about the fences: inside the fence, there is much freedom to run and play and imagine! Fences are tools not toys, and fences are used to keep all of us safe. This is the same idea behind a family technology plan: if we don't have a plan and practice it, we'll choose fast media over rich literature, constant imagery over beautiful art, and immediate stimulation and isolation over community. We all know that excessive screen time undermines attention span and face-to-face community and often causes us to miss delighting in God's created world (remember when we stared out the station wagon window as we drove to the Grand Canyon from Houston?). And, as our children grow in grace and knowledge, we want them to pursue wisdom...but wisdom requires attention, reflection, silence, and presence--pretty much ALL OPPOSITES of what technology delivers (and our phones do so in a stunning and stimulating way!).
To use technology appropriately with kids, we need to provide consistent expectations, loving correction, and a modeling of ordered, attentive lives. If technology trains us to be impatient, distracted, or unkind, it’s forming us in the wrong direction.
Here's some questions to ask regarding technology:
1. Does this help me love God more attentively or distract me from Him?
2. Does this help me love people or replace, diminish, or manipulate them? (tech that isolates, inflames anger, or commodifies people falls under the banner of a disordered love).
3. Does this help me to be more Christ-like or self-serving?
4. Does it lean me into gratitude or comparison?
5. Am I modeling restraint for my children?
Technology can support an embodied life--in relationships, worship, learning, etc. But it takes a great deal of self-control and self-regulation to not be dragged down the rabbit hole. A Christian's right use of technology is to receive it gratefully, govern it wisely, and use it lovingly--so that it serves discipleship rather than replaces it. It can be a good gift but a poor god. Stewardship is key. And the Lord tells us that He'll give us wisdom when we ask!
Lord of all wisdom,
Teach us to order our loves rightly.
Give us courage to protect attention, patience to form virtue, and humility to guide children in a world we did not grow up in.
May all our teaching lead them to delight in what is true, good, and beautiful, and ultimately, in YOU. Amen.
Part 2 next month!
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